The diary of a confused teen.

She was your average teenage girl, going through life’s worries just like any other girl, going through the pressures, stresses and pleasures of college life. She was happy, exceedingly so, however much she may whine about it, with this arrangement. There were no teenage dramas or boy dramas unfolding around her. She had a peaceful life compared to others her age. Did that make her different? Yes, she guessed it did. Did it make her want to have some drama in her life? She grudgingly agreed that maybe a teeny bit of drama would do her no harm.

The saying ‘Be careful what you wish for’ clearly wasn’t taken seriously by her. Because really, if you ask me, which sane person who is happy with their life would wish for more drama to complicate matters? Apparently she would. And bam! Hello, complicated teenage life.

It all started a while back for her  when she met this guy. (It’s not really surprising considering most teenage dramas revolve around guys.) Met actually doesn’t cut it. He was a friend of a friend and she was set up with him. On the day she was to meet him for the first time she almost had an anxiety attack and to make matters worse, she wasn’t even keeping well at the time. But she did meet him, and he turned out to extremely nice and she had a lovely time.

From there on, it’s pretty much been a roller coaster ride for her. She’s wary of meeting new people because she’s shy with new people (certainly not with people she’s become close to over the years). And it amazed her exactly how comfortable she felt in his presence. Or how there was no awkwardness when they spoke over the phone. How they could have a two and a half hour-long phone conversation after they’d just made their acquaintance with each other, and yet it wasn’t even slightly weird, with no awkward pauses and she barely knew so much time had just flown by. She still maintains she barely spoke but he thought otherwise.

And yet she knew that she wouldn’t date him. They’d probably end up as spiffing friends but she knew for sure that they wouldn’t end up together. She knew he kind of liked her. Even that didn’t make her change her mind (even though her friends are rooting for her to date him).

So what changed then? Honestly, even she doesn’t know. There was a lull in their conversations a while back because she was so busy with exams and assignments. She had no time to breathe let alone have a conversation with anyone. So their conversations gradually fizzled out but they didn’t completely die out. They still spoke whenever they could.

She didn’t give this a second thought till one day in class her professor asked them to write a love letter. A love letter?! Her initial reaction was one of annoyance. It was 8 in the morning. Most of the class was half asleep and she didn’t have a love interest to write a letter to and she was much too sleepy to make up an imaginary love. But then, his name did pop up in her head. Would it be a letter of love? Certainly not. (She believes that being a teenager and being ruled by hormones one can’t really fall in love at this age)

But it did get her thinking. She knew she didn’t love him. She was scoffing at the very idea. But she also didn’t know what it was.
Because she had time in her hands now. And they were talking. Not every day but often enough. Often enough for her to start anticipating his messages.   Often enough now, that the thought of him messaging her made her just a little giddy. Often enough, that his name popping up on her screen could make her smile a little.(She, however, claims that that only happens because their conversations are usually hilarious. I can only roll my eyes at that.)

But that did get her thinking. Why? Why was she so happy at the thought of messaging him? Why did she eagerly wait for his messages? Why did they make her so happy? She knew it wasn’t love but maybe it wasn’t completely platonic for her anymore. She honestly doesn’t know. And it’s always going to be there, nagging her in the back of her mind, until she does figure out what it really is.

I guess all she can do is give it time. But the lesson I’m taking away from this is – You really should be careful what you wish for. She was so much more happy (and turmoil free) without all the added drama. So really, don’t let your hormone riddled brain make any wishes.


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