“I cannot forget the follies and vices of other so soon as I ought, nor their offences against myself. My good opinion once lost is lost forever.” The dearly beloved (to me anyway) Mr. Darcy admits to this being his one fault or weakness.
We’ve all heard the term forget, forgive and move on. But is it really that easy to forget something someone has done to upset you but moreover to forgive them and go back to being all chummy with them? I find myself being able to relate with Mr. Darcy’s sentiments. It takes firstly a lot to get me offended but once it does it’s hard to forget, forgive the person more so, and move on.
Every relationship is based on trust and once that trust is broken it takes not only a lot of time but tremendous effort from both parties to mend the relationship, if at all. Personally, once the trust is broken I can’t get myself to trust the person again. Sure, I’m not going to turn into a mad, raving , wicked witch towards you but neither are we going to be the best of friends ever again. I’ll humor you and your antics but I’ll never be able to put my trust in you again.
Everyone has faults along with their charms but this makes me skeptical towards people who’ve been hurt over and over again by that one dear person and you’ve forgiven them every time they’ve hurt you. But have you truly? Have you completely forgotten about it or you’ve buried it in some deep recess of your mind? It’s never forgotten if you ask me. It’s there, buried maybe some deep, deep place but it’s there. Because you haven’t addressed the issue. You haven’t confronted your own feelings so confronting the person in question is well, out of the question. You keep bearing the hurt because you supposedly ‘love’ the person but if you ask me those are the beginnings of a doormat personality. Time. It takes time to heal this hurt and even more time to come to terms with it and forgive the person and truly put it behind you.
As if this isn’t hard enough then there is the notion of forgive quickly. In my opinion any forgiveness granted that quickly would imply that it isn’t actual forgiveness. Because it takes time to heal ourselves once we’ve been hurt, disappointed and it’s only when we heal completely can we forgive the person and move on. So can this notion of forgive quickly even exist then?
However all said and done being able to forgive one, is one of the greatest qualities a person can posses and if you can truly forget about the incident and forgive the person it gives you a peace of mind and this sense of satisfaction because then you can close that chapter in your life and start many more new ones.
So yes, forgive but not that quickly that you’re just forgiving for the sake of it and still harboring ill feelings for the person.